:: Dictated But Not Read ::
Musings from the ''Miracle Girl''| [::..archive..::] |
|---|
| Things That Have Been Said About Me |
| You are the Minx. |
| She plays taller than her height. |
| You have a refreshing attitude. |
| You're such a renaissance woman. |
| She's not much of a biller. |
| You are very angry. |
| You are so self aware. |
| You need a more sophisticated haircut. |
| You are not afraid of anything. |
| You have a great attitude. |
| Your life is like a Seinfeld episode. |
| You are winsome. |
| You look great in hats. |
| Miracle girl. |
| I am belligerently conciliatory. |
| You've got it big time. |
Monday, May 05, 2003
Sobering UpI have been divorced for over two years now and suddenly I am beginning to see signs of healing. I did not get the house or the dog (I decided both would be better off with the person who had more time to care for them) but I took the telephone number from the house, to an apartment, and now to my condo. As a result of my taking the telephone number and of my ex-husband J’s incompetence, I get fairly regular telephone calls for him. Even as I am typing this I received a call from a solicitor looking for J. For a long time this made me angry mainly because it forced me to engage with J. which I was totally unwilling to do. I devised schemes to communicate with him about the messages via e-mail or to simply call the caller back and give them J’s number. Sometimes if the message seemed unimportant enough I just ignored it. I complained bitterly about it to friends and made fun of his inefficiency on a regular basis. The one thing I would not do was call him directly.
A couple of weeks ago I got a message from a mortgage company we have both used. The message did not say who they were calling for but referenced an upcoming refinancing. I am not currently refinancing so I reflexively picked up the telephone and called the mortgage company and gave them J’s number. A few days later I got a message from an insurer about a refinance. Without even thinking I jotted down the number and dialed J’s number and told him I gotten a call for him. We chatted generally about what is happening in each of our lives and our respective family’s lives then hung up. It was at least a ten minute call. When I hung up the phone I felt almost like I needed to pinch myself. I had acted like a civilized human and made a telephone call. I could not attribute my behavior to anything except the passage of time. A couple of days later I received yet another call regarding J’s refinance, still calm I again picked up the phone and called and told him that I was personally tracking the progress of his refinance. He laughed and asked how it was going. I told him it was fine and gave him his latest message. I hung up and looked around my loft to see if anyone was around to see how well I had handled myself. No one was, but I patted myself on the back and smiled.
There are some things that no amount of therapy or yoga or religion can heal. They just take time. I remember in our high school health class we had to watch a movie about drunk driving. The voiceover asked inane rhetorical questions about what might help you sober up.
“Will drinking coffee help?” “No.”
“Will taking a shower help?” “No.”
“Nothing will make you sober except the passage of time.” For some reason that silly movie has stuck with me all these years and though it has never come to me when it might be useful to keep me from getting behind the wheel of a car after a few drinks, it has reminded me recently that some things just take time. I have shared my recollection of the film with two friends both of whom have been divorced for closer to one only year and seem unable to understand why things are not “normal.” I remind them that no matter how much coffee they drink they will not be sober for a while. I look forward to watching them both sober up.
D.B.N.R.
