:: Dictated But Not Read ::
Musings from the ''Miracle Girl''| [::..archive..::] |
|---|
| Things That Have Been Said About Me |
| You are the Minx. |
| She plays taller than her height. |
| You have a refreshing attitude. |
| You're such a renaissance woman. |
| She's not much of a biller. |
| You are very angry. |
| You are so self aware. |
| You need a more sophisticated haircut. |
| You are not afraid of anything. |
| You have a great attitude. |
| Your life is like a Seinfeld episode. |
| You are winsome. |
| You look great in hats. |
| Miracle girl. |
| I am belligerently conciliatory. |
| You've got it big time. |
Monday, November 10, 2003
EmptinessShe comes home every day and feels the emptiness of the house. She never realized emptiness was a thing but now she knows it, emptiness is a living being. The echoing in the rooms that no longer have furniture is not really the worst part, though that is pretty awful. She has cleaned up the dust bunnies that were floating across the rooms like tumbleweeds but she can hear each of her footsteps as she goes from the bedroom to the kitchen for a cup of tea to take back to her solitary bed. There are empty places on the walls where their photos used to hang, but that is not the worst part either. The worst part is that there is something tangible about the emptiness in the house. The emptiness demands her attention, maybe because the house has always been filled. It is over 70 years old and has been filled with families through most of its years. The families gave the house a lot more than she can offer it. The house wants her to fill the emptiness.
She stays away as much as she can, working long hours, going out on random dates and with friends late into the night, but eventually she has to come home. The house is empty, not just of furniture, but also of hope, promise and dreams. It had been so full of all of those things. She picked the house before it was even for sale. One night on their walk through the neighborhood, she stood on the sidewalk in front of the house and said, “That’s the one. I want that house.” Two months later it went on the market and another month later they had closed and hired a painter to make the house their own. They carefully picked the colors for each room of the house. They moved in, put a wooden swing in the front yard and closed in the backyard so they could get a puppy. Now the house was empty.
A friend suggests rearranging the furniture to make the house more her own. She gets a couple of friends and they move the office furniture from the bright orange front room to the newly renovated back of the house. It makes a pretty office with a view of the back yard and she is able to close off the empty orange room so she does not have to confront it, but it still feels empty. She has a brilliant idea, she will paint. She decides she will do the painting herself. She goes to the paint store and studies colored strips for hours. Finally, she has the paint she wants for each room. She lugs it home and starts applying it to the walls. She enjoys the feeling of transforming each wall but when she is finally done she is not happy with the way it looks. She calls her next door neighbor for his input. He looks around with an indifferent shrug and says it looks nice to him. She dismisses him and heads back to the paint store.
Over the next few months she repaints each of the rooms in her house several times. After she completes each round of painting she calls her neighbor over and each time she is greeted with the same indifferent shrug. Finally though, he asks, “Why don’t you just paint all the walls white?” She stares at him in disbelief; clearly he has no concept of emptiness. Sure, he may be lonely, and she thinks he is and that was what led her to believe that he might understand, but he has no idea about emptiness. White walls would merely advertise to her and to the world that the house was empty. No amount of new furniture and redecorating could fix the white walls. She thanks her neighbor for his suggestion. She means it sincerely because now she knows what she has to do. The next day she places a For Sale sign in the yard. She will take her hopes and dreams to some other place and let them fill it. They cannot fill this empty house.
D.B.N.R.
